The Three Musketeers 3D
Still not sure what I was thinking when I purchased the ticket for the THIRD movie of the night but I did it and it was a really dumb move.
The Three Musketeers is not an awful movie but it comes close. And why I felt the need to spend extra on the sad excuse for 3D is beyond my comprehension in retrospect.
You're presented with three down on their luck Musketeers, played by Matthew Macfayden of MI-5 aka Spooks, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson, doing what they have to to survive, all of them have accents from across the UK and they are not bad looking gentlemen.
And then we have the newbie, D'Artagnan, a fresh faced kid from Beverly Hills with a blatantly American accent. His speech is so American that it is jarring in several scenes.
The three, soon to be four, Muskateers come together after the youngest of the brood starts a fight he can't finish. Fight scenes so poorly done that I wanted someone to kill the Muskateers so I could go home.
Milla Jovovich plays a villainess. REALLY?! WHY?! I love Milla but she comes across as wooden and lifeless, playing the schemer does not suit her.
Christoph Waltz of Inglorious Basterds fame plays a scheming member of the clergy. Freddie Fox plays a really effeminate King Louis XIII.
And rounding out the main cast is Orlando Bloom as the Duke of Buckingham. HE appears to be channeling a post-detox Captain Jack with nicer clothes and overdone hair.
The editing is choppy, some scenes feel too short and some far too long. The more I write the worse I am remembering it.
I would stay away from this movie and if a friend or family member were to buy you a ticket I would suggest defriending or disowning them.
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