Super Loser TRIPLE Feature Episode 3 11/4/2011

The Three Musketeers 3D

Still not sure what I was thinking when I purchased the ticket for the THIRD movie of the night but I did it and it was a really dumb move.

The Three Musketeers is not an awful movie but it comes close. And why I felt the need to spend extra on the sad excuse for 3D is beyond my comprehension in retrospect.

You're presented with three down on their luck Musketeers, played by Matthew Macfayden of MI-5 aka Spooks, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson, doing what they have to to survive, all of them have accents from across the UK and they are not bad looking gentlemen.

And then we have the newbie, D'Artagnan, a fresh faced kid from Beverly Hills with a blatantly American accent. His speech is so American that it is jarring in several scenes.

The three, soon to be four, Muskateers come together after the youngest of the brood starts a fight he can't finish. Fight scenes so poorly done that I wanted someone to kill the Muskateers so I could go home.

Milla Jovovich plays a villainess. REALLY?! WHY?! I love Milla but she comes across as wooden and lifeless, playing the schemer does not suit her.

Christoph Waltz of Inglorious Basterds fame plays a scheming member of the clergy. Freddie Fox plays a really effeminate King Louis XIII.

And rounding out the main cast is Orlando Bloom as the Duke of Buckingham. HE appears to be channeling a post-detox Captain Jack with nicer clothes and overdone hair.

The editing is choppy, some scenes feel too short and some far too long. The more I write the worse I am remembering it.

I would stay away from this movie and if a friend or family member were to buy you a ticket I would suggest defriending or disowning them.

Movie Night 10/28/2011

In Time

Justin Timberlake has come a long way as an actor. I went into this with not very high expectations and was surprised.

In this modern retelling of Bonnie and Clyde people stop aging at 25, which makes for an incredibly good looking cast of characters. You turn 25 and this magic day glow clock on your wrist kicks into action. You get one year free and then you have to earn or inherit more time to stay alive.

It takes some getting used to when you realize that Olivia Wilde is playing Justin’s 49 year old mother but you get used to it.

You use time to buy everything from a cup of coffee to a house on the beach.

There are a lot of different themes throughout the movie and if you think about them as you watch your mind is going to wander to far afield to enjoy it. Relax and ponder the mysteries of how we spend our lives after you leave the theater or turn off the DVD.

There are some great catchphrases here that have been around forever, for example, I cleaned his clock. You get the idea.

Our unlikely hero has to battle a gangster Alex Pettyfer, the minuteman Cillian Murphy after he receives a gift from Matt Bomer.

After his unlikely stroke of luck he meets Amanda Seyfried’s Sylvia.

It looks like this might just turn into boy meets girls spends his time, literally, on getting her but hilarity ensues and they become the unlikeliest of heroes.

Visually the film is amazing. From the cars to the clothes.

These young men and women who are playing characters far older than their true years convey a tiredness that I try as best as I can to hide at 41.

And I have no doubt that after this Amanda Seyfried will be asked to walk the catwalk in some uncomfortable looking shoes and a tiny dress.

Worth the view and the thinking that hits you long after this movie is over. Am I spending my time wisely or squandering it…

Movie Night 10/1/2011

What’s Your Number?

Everyone has compared this to Bridesmaids in the press and that is incredibly unfair to this quirky movie.

Anna Faris was great as the kinda slut still hoping for her prince. Made to feel like a dirty whore by her friends and an article about how many men you can have sex with before marriage she embarks to see if she missed a gem along the way and tracks down her former paramours.

She is assisted in this quest by the frequently naked Chris Evans who makes me wonder who pissed in my gene pool. His character is a womanizing cad.

Of course you can see where this is going to end up but this is not about the goal it is about the journey. There are no ideas but there are some interesting ways of getting there.

There are also scenes in the commercial and theatrical trailer that didn’t make it into the movie. It is nice to see filmmakers not blowing their loads in the commercials but saving something for the viewer.

As Anna and Chris embark on this journey hilarity ensues and all of her former gentlemen are familiar faces shown both in flashbacks and the present day.

I laughed at the antics on screen and didn’t hate myself for doing so.

This movie hasn’t made much in the theaters but I think it will do better on DVD especially if they splice the scenes that were left for the commercials.

Movie Night 09/24/2011

Contagion

Finally a movie where Gwyneth Paltrow bites it! I can say that here because it was in the commercials so I am not giving anything away.

The first thing you’ll notice when watching this is that there is no music. It’s all dialogue and silence. I am almost positive that this was done on purpose as every cough and sniffle in the theater has your wondering how close a Purell dispenser is located. I didn’t realize it until after it had already happened but I wondered if that guy coughing up a chunk of his lung in the back of the theater was my very own patient zero.

The second thing I noticed was that a lot of things are glossed over, this seems like it was supposed to be a more intimate movie, centering on a few characters and their immediate surroundings. I like nothing better than a nice cataclysmic movie and this didn’t make it over the bar.

The acting is good, a little flat here and there but overall there are good, solid performances throughout. Kate Winslet and Jennifer Ehle were the standouts for me. Their performances are the heart and mind of this movie that sadly lacked a little soul.

Definitely see it in the theater if you can as that first coughing fit should make you mildly uncomfortable for rest of the movie and don’t sit too close to anyone else just in case.