Sunday, May 5, 2013

The First Chapter of something I've been working on for a long time

The day darkened slowly as shadows crept along the Irish coast, waves lapped at the rocky beach. A small, weathered house sat just above the sand, soft light filtered out it's curtained windows as a wisp of fragrant wood smoke escaped from the stone chimney.
The scene was one fit for a postcard but what lay within belied that view.
The smell of copper and cordite hung in the kitchen, the blood of the home's once and former inhabitants pooled near the sink. The bodies of the couple unceremoniously strewn on the rough hewn planks of the floor.
Blue-gray smoke from a cigarette drifted past Yuri's tattooed and well-muscled arm and curled above his shaved head before circling the bare bulb and gathering under the beams of the ceiling. Yuri noticed the ash and flicked it onto the carpet that had seen better days.
Boredom began to overtake him, the adrenaline of breaking in and murdering the old couple had long ago worn off. His eyes drooped. He wished that the woman had been young and strong enough to entertain him before he put that bullet into her throat. Yuri was a man of standards and he had seen the woman give up the will to fight as soon as she saw his gun, she knew she was going to die, he caught a glimpse of expectation in her eyes as she almost greedily accepted her fate. No fight equaled no fun for Yuri.
The shot brought her husband charging into the kitchen. On a different day Yuri would have beaten him to death with his bare hands, the man had the spark of a killer in his eyes and Yuri thought it would have been a fair fight, a fight he would have won in the end.
Yuri placed the bullet almost perfectly between the man's eyes. He shot the woman in the head for good measure as she still gasped and gurgled thought the light had gone from her eyes.
He slumped down in the uncomfortable chair and put the headphones on. They blocked out all sound and in the silence he slipped into the twilight of not being quite asleep or awake. The image of the stripper he had been with in Moscow two days ago swam into his mind's eye. Her young, supple body had felt so good beneath his fists, the noises she made as the punches landed had turned him on. He was confident he had burst one of her implants. He figured she would be released from the hospital in a few weeks, they could fix the implants but she would forever bear the scars of her night with Yuri.
His eyes jerked open and he sat up as he heard the crackle through the headset. The transmitter was coming into range, he smiled as he looked forward to his triumphant return to Moscow with a fat wallet. After beating a girl as badly as he had the other night he would have to avoid the nicer brothels for a while. He would be able to afford a week of the nicest girls that Moscow had to offer, but he could stretch the money out and live like a king for a couple of months. The madams he would be dealing with for the foreseeable future wouldn't care what he did to the girls as long as he paid for the privilege.
He adjusted the earphones and dropped the butt of the cigarette onto the floor. He waited to see a few sparks as the embers lit the tiny frayed fibers of the rug alight. The heel of his boot ground the cigarette into the rug extinguishing it. The action made him smile, his teeth exposed themselves in the most feral of grins.
The noise grew in volume, they were not close enough for him to discern anything. A few more minutes and he would be able to hear their voices.
He hit the record button to be on the safe side.
He heard the voices, they were clear now. He felt pride in the old KGB transmitter, Soviet pride, something that had disappeared once the USSR had fallen. He would have liked a video feed, Yuri enjoyed seeing people know they were going to die.
A woman mentioned turbulence to a man. Yuri liked her voice, she sounded petulant and cranky. He thought she would be feisty in bed after the beating had started, though he did not think she could have handled his manhood for very long.
“The captain is making final preparations for the descent and asks that you put your seat-belts on.”
      He heard the cockpit door click open. Yuri was shocked at the clarity of the transmission and had hopes of a bonus once his handlers heard the recording.
“Captian?” The flight attendant asked.
The pilot didn't answer. A shot rang out, deafening Yuri. Had his ears not been ringing he would have heard the sound of her body hitting the floor.
The woman screamed.
“What are you doing? Why would you shoot her?” The man with the American accent yelled.
Another male voice with a slight Russian accent, the pilot, answered in a voice filled with too much emotion, “They have my daughter and son. I've got no choice.”
“I've got money and connections, I can help you. Please don't do this.” The desperation plain in the woman's voice.
“It's too late, I've already dumped the fuel and we are no where near land.”
There was the sound of a scuffle between the two men, grunting could heard over the sobs of the woman. Again Yuri was disappointed that a woman had given up so quickly, he liked a fighter.
The previously constant hum of the engines faded and there was silence from the passengers and pilot. Yuri had known what was going to happen and that took some of the fun out of it for him, the gun being the only thing he had now been aware of. With rapt attention he listened, understanding for the first time his grandmother's hatred of television, she loved her radio until she passed away.
An eerie and complete silence filled the headset, he could hear the blood pumping through his ears it was so perfect was the absence of sound.
“I'll kill you, you bastard!” The American yelled as he charged the pilot.
A shot rang out and then another. Yuri assumed, correctly, that the pilot had shot one of the passengers and then himself. He shook his head to try and dislodge the ringing from the gunshots.
“Michael? Michael! Please don't leave me!” She pleaded.
Her sobs were drowned out by the wind rushing past the fuselage as the small jet plummeted to the sea. It really did remind him of the cartoon sounds of his youth.
Beneath the whistle he heard the man say the woman's name, he told her he loved her.
Yuri thought this guy was a pussy and he was glad that there would be one less on the planet in a few minutes.
The plane hit the water with the sound of a bomb going off.
Someone was grunting and he wondered if they were trying to open the door in a last ditch effort to survive. If the pilot had followed the plan the plane should sink like a stone, he was to lower the landing gear prior to dumping the fuel. The rafts had also been removed, there was no chance for them to survive.
The sound faded out with a crackle and a hiss as seawater shorted out the transmitter's components.
Yuri gathered everything up, he looked around the room and for a second his beaten and buried humanity poked through as he gazed at the black and white photos of the couple on vacations around Europe. He wondered how his life might have turned out if things had been different. Before the childlike belief could root itself into his consciousness he swiped it away and shut the door on it.
He carefully stepped around the pool of still sticky blood and made his way out the kitchen door. He walked twenty paces into the field and set the duffel down. Yuri made his way back to the small porch. He lit the Molotov cocktail and kicked the door wide open before he tossed it onto the table.
The vodka bottle broke and flaming gasoline splashed across the weathered wood and the bodies of the couple.
Quickly he stepped back and the door swung shut.
Calmly he walked back to his pack, he made his way into the woods stopping to look back and admire his handiwork. He liked a good fire and he was proud of how this one looked.
He turned away and entered the treeline. 

Friday, January 27, 2012

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close


Why is the kid wearing those shoes and pants that never fit? That and many other questions are left unanswered.

I had such high hopes for this movie. I usually go into the theater reminding myself that very few films live up to my expectations, but this one made me want to believe that it would be incredible. I understand that no two people who saw the events of September 11th unfold will have the same reaction. We are all unique. That being said few movies have left me feeling as emotionally manipulated as this one.

The performances by Sandra Bullock, Viola Davis, Jeffrey Wright, Max von Sydow and Tom Hanks were great but something got lost in the editing bay. I'd like to read the novel to see what will end up in the extras section of the DVD.

This is another quiet movie, one where the popcorn goes unfinished because you don't want everyone to hear you eating it.

I just wanted a concrete answer at the end of the movie and was left without it. I think it might be possible with some distance from this that I won't feel as angry as I do right now but I don't think it is going to happen.

As a side note I watched Fox's Touch last night and that show had some similar themes but was done in such an amazing way that it shines over EL&IC and this is coming from someone who hates Keifer Sutherland. My only complaint about Touch was that Keifer can now only sound like his Jack Bauer character from 24. Not everything needs to be said in that kind of gravelly 'I know how to kick ass' voice.

A part of me feels mildly unpatriotic for not liking this movie but I can't help myself.



Monday, January 9, 2012

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas


This is the Ocean's Eleven of stoner comedy!

As a disclaimer I was completely and utterly sober when I saw this.

You've got Kal Penn, John Cho, Neil Patrick Harris, Patton Oswalt, Bobby Lee, Thomas Lennon, Danny Trejo, David Krumholtz getting into some rather odd situations that will have you laughing out loud.

And if you've ever lit a Christmas tree on fire or gone to a party at a Russian gangster's house or pretended to be gay for the women you'll be able to identify.

Best use of 3D since Jaws 3D, stuff actually comes flying out of the screen at you.

And if you can laugh at the Occupy styled guys pelting Bobby Lee with eggs then you can probably laugh at a toddler crawling on the ceiling after getting into a bag of mysterious white powder.

Sadly this is no longer in the theaters and I imagine that the 3D on the TV you just bought will not be as good as the 3D in the theater.

This should be re-released each holiday season as a modern alternative to the Sound of Music.

Like Crazy


Like Crazy

Ever seen a movie where you begin to question every action you've ever taken that has led you to this moment. This is that movie. What was I thinking? This is like a college film project gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Let's make the first half look all golden and then when the love wanes we'll make everything gray and cold looking.

Why don't we have too stupid kids fall in love and spite the US government? Yeah, that sounds great!

Let's have them get together at the end and be really fucking miserable!

You can just hear the pitch meetings where everyone applauded the audacity to bring such drivel to the screen.

Luckily this is no longer in the movie theaters so you don't have to worry about mistakenly buying a ticket which should come with a prescription for powerful antidepressants.

If you are unfortunate to see this movie in it's entirety you will be driven, like, crazy

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo


The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

First I will point out that while I bought the book I did not read it prior to seeing the film.

It's a pretty amazing movie filled with faces you know.

What struck me the most was that when I was in my teens I wanted to be the true outsider, the one with the middle finger raised to the conventional world but I never had the balls. Rooney Mara's Lisbeth does this literally in the film.

Daniel Craig, Christopher Plummer and Stellan Skarsgard were amazing, each in their own way. Robin Wright's accent was a little odd, I kept watching her mouth, odd I know but that's what happened. Joely Richardson nailed her part to such an extent that I can now forgive her for Nip/Tuck.

Much has been said about the rape scenes, I wondered how the audience of married couples in their 50's was going to react to it and there was no reaction, none. Not sure if they had read the books and knew what to expect or if the violence of Starsky and Hutch and Law & Order: SVU inured them to what was occurring on the screen.

I'd say go and see it whether you have read the book or not and if you don't make it to the theater, rent it, nothing will be lost in the translation from theater to home.a

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Super Loser TRIPLE Feature Episode 3 11/4/2011

The Three Musketeers 3D

Still not sure what I was thinking when I purchased the ticket for the THIRD movie of the night but I did it and it was a really dumb move.

The Three Musketeers is not an awful movie but it comes close. And why I felt the need to spend extra on the sad excuse for 3D is beyond my comprehension in retrospect.

You're presented with three down on their luck Musketeers, played by Matthew Macfayden of MI-5 aka Spooks, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson, doing what they have to to survive, all of them have accents from across the UK and they are not bad looking gentlemen.

And then we have the newbie, D'Artagnan, a fresh faced kid from Beverly Hills with a blatantly American accent. His speech is so American that it is jarring in several scenes.

The three, soon to be four, Muskateers come together after the youngest of the brood starts a fight he can't finish. Fight scenes so poorly done that I wanted someone to kill the Muskateers so I could go home.

Milla Jovovich plays a villainess. REALLY?! WHY?! I love Milla but she comes across as wooden and lifeless, playing the schemer does not suit her.

Christoph Waltz of Inglorious Basterds fame plays a scheming member of the clergy. Freddie Fox plays a really effeminate King Louis XIII.

And rounding out the main cast is Orlando Bloom as the Duke of Buckingham. HE appears to be channeling a post-detox Captain Jack with nicer clothes and overdone hair.

The editing is choppy, some scenes feel too short and some far too long. The more I write the worse I am remembering it.

I would stay away from this movie and if a friend or family member were to buy you a ticket I would suggest defriending or disowning them.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Movie Night 10/28/2011


In Time

Justin Timberlake has come a long way as an actor. I went into this with not very high expectations and was surprised.

In this modern retelling of Bonnie and Clyde people stop aging at 25, which makes for an incredibly good looking cast of characters. You turn 25 and this magic day glow clock on your wrist kicks into action. You get one year free and then you have to earn or inherit more time to stay alive.

It takes some getting used to when you realize that Olivia Wilde is playing Justin’s 49 year old mother but you get used to it.

You use time to buy everything from a cup of coffee to a house on the beach.

There are a lot of different themes throughout the movie and if you think about them as you watch your mind is going to wander to far afield to enjoy it. Relax and ponder the mysteries of how we spend our lives after you leave the theater or turn off the DVD.

There are some great catchphrases here that have been around forever, for example, I cleaned his clock. You get the idea.

Our unlikely hero has to battle a gangster Alex Pettyfer, the minuteman Cillian Murphy after he receives a gift from Matt Bomer.

After his unlikely stroke of luck he meets Amanda Seyfried’s Sylvia.

It looks like this might just turn into boy meets girls spends his time, literally, on getting her but hilarity ensues and they become the unlikeliest of heroes.

Visually the film is amazing. From the cars to the clothes.

These young men and women who are playing characters far older than their true years convey a tiredness that I try as best as I can to hide at 41.

And I have no doubt that after this Amanda Seyfried will be asked to walk the catwalk in some uncomfortable looking shoes and a tiny dress.

Worth the view and the thinking that hits you long after this movie is over. Am I spending my time wisely or squandering it…